


I Will Stand By You (Even When We Fall)

by MoonytheMarauder1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Character Death, Department of Mysteries, M/M, Mentions of alcoholism, Remus Lupin & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Veil of Death (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23067136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonytheMarauder1/pseuds/MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Remus races into the Veil after Sirius.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 101





	I Will Stand By You (Even When We Fall)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! This is another fic I've moved over from ffn, so I hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> Warnings for character death and mentions of alcoholism.

When Remus opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was how unbearably hot it was. 

Thick, dark swaths of fabric fluttered all around him, crashing into his face and wrapping around his arms, legs, and torso. He batted it away, stumbling forwards, all the while choking on the heat around him. He wrestled with the fabric—curtains? They were curtains—as he rushed about, trying to get some fresh air—

There. Light. He could see light. 

Remus stumbled towards it, reaching desperately for freedom. Three long, clumsy steps later, the curtains had retreated. Remus fumbled to a stop, his chest heaving and sweat sliding down his brow. He took in deep, gulping breaths of air as he surveyed his surroundings. 

Slowly, memories of what had brought him here came back to him. He remembered watching Sirius fall through the Veil, shoving Harry away from it and then jumping in himself…

Remus glanced behind him, where the black curtains—like the one in the Department of Mysteries, he realized now, but multiplied by infinity—fluttered almost innocently. Remus shuddered and walked slowly away from them, his amber eyes searching for any sign that Harry might have followed him. He felt physically sick at the thought; he didn’t care what happened to himself, but Harry needed to be protected. 

After some time, Remus came to the conclusion that he was alone. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Remus turned his back to the curtains and stared at the green grassy field he’d found himself in. He shivered. It was too peaceful, too bright. It was such a sharp contrast from the oppressive darkness he’d emerged from. 

Remus took a deep breath. Sirius. He had to go try and find Sirius. 

He started forward without an idea of where he was headed, but with the knowledge that he had to move. It was too quiet for Remus’ tastes; he could see the grass moving, but he couldn’t feel any wind. It was eerie. And yet, something about it all was familiar.

Then, some distance away, Remus saw movement. He gasped, eyes wide, and moved more quickly towards the source. His heart was leaping in his chest—could it be—?

Remus froze. There was Sirius, all right… but he wasn’t alone. 

“Ack! Prongs, knock it off!” Bark-like laughter filled the air. “Merlin, you haven’t grown up at all.”

“Hey! I resent that.” James Potter was… just as Remus remembered him. Tall, proud, a tad arrogant… and so full of life. He adjusted his glasses, hazel eyes sparkling. “Anyway, I’m the father between us two. That automatically makes me more grown up.”

Sirius snorted. “The evidence suggests otherwise, mate.”

Remus stared. They hadn’t noticed him yet, and were splashing each other in a lake of sparkling blue water. His breathing turned shallow. James was here. James was… here. 

But wasn’t this just the Veil? Unless… it was also a gateway to…

“You do realize you’re going to have to go back, right?”

Sirius’ head snapped up to face James, and he frowned deeply. “Go back?”

Remus slowly sank into the grass as James answered. “Mate, you have a choice. You came through the Veil; you could go back.” James’ face grew solemn. “Not all of us have that choice.”

Sirius reeled back. “You… you want me to leave you?”

James looked at him oddly. “That’s not what I said.”

Sirius’ grey eyes narrowed. Remus knew that look well; his lover was looking for a fight. “Come on, Prongs. I’m finally here, with you again! We could go see Lils—do you not realize how long I’ve waited to see you both again?”

James reached through the water and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Hey. I know. I’ve missed you, too, and you don’t have to go back… hell, I wouldn’t even blame you if you stayed. But don’t you  _ want _ to go back?”

Sirius scoffed. “Go back to what? Being imprisoned in my ancestral home and a godson that doesn’t need me?”

James’ face hardened. “Just because he can survive without you doesn’t mean he doesn’t need you. You’re so important to him, Padfoot.”

Sirius closed his eyes, his long black hair falling in front of his eyes. “Give it a year, and he won’t even miss me.”

“Bullshit.” James sounded furious. “You know that’s not true. You love him, don’t you?”

Sirius’ head snapped up. “Of course I do! He’s everything to me. He’s all I have.”

Remus felt the blood drain from his face. He wasn’t hot anymore; he was suddenly very, very cold. 

“Then go back to him!” James ran his hands through his hair in agitation. “Merlin, Sirius! He doesn’t have that many people left who love him like we do.”

Sirius was silent for a long moment. “I’m just another tool for Voldemort to use against him,” he whispered at last. “It’s better if I’m not in the equation at all.”

James’ back was rigid. Remus lowered his head, trying hard not to take any of this personally, but… Merlin, Sirius hadn’t even thought about—

“What about Moony, then? Going to leave your lover behind as well?”

Sirius’ jaw clenched as Remus looked up, his heart in his mouth. “You said you wouldn’t blame me if I stayed.”

“I don’t think this is what you truly want, Padfoot. I think you’re trying to find excuses not to make a difficult decision. Now, don’t avoid the question—what about Remus?”

Sirius stalked angrily towards the shore, his head still facing James. “What about him? He’ll get here eventually, I’m sure. Let him have a few years of bliss before he has to come back to a lover with more baggage than—” He stopped when he turned his head, spotting Remus. For a moment they simply looked at each other. 

“Moony,” Sirius breathed. “You…”

Remus’ hands bunched in the grass. He felt so foolish. He’d just jumped right into danger after Sirius, leaving behind all the people who still cared about him… and for what? “I tried to get you back.”

“You didn’t have to. You could have stayed.”

Remus grit his teeth and glared at the other man. “I didn’t want to. Not without you.”

Sirius didn’t move. “Remus…”

Remus clenched his fists and turned, with difficulty, to James. “What say you, Prongs?” he asked softly. 

James waded out of the lake slowly, his eyes on Remus. “Moony,” he said sadly. “Why are you here?”

Remus shook his head bitterly. “You know why. It’s the same reason you’d have followed Lily.”

James nodded. Still dripping, he lowered himself beside Remus in the grass, leaving Sirius to watch them in silence. He put a tentative hand on Remus’ scarred shoulder. 

“Moony, I… I’ll address that idiot over there in a moment. But I wanted to… to apologize. For not trusting you when I should have.”

Remus looked over sharply. “James, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He swallowed thickly as memories of the first war flooded through him. “We all paid a heavy price. No one trusted each other.”

“I know.” James scrubbed a hand over his face. “But I need you to know how much I’ve regretted it.”

Truth be told, there was a part of Remus that resented—that would always resent—his friends for those days, of accusing him of being the spy based solely on the fact that he had the most to gain by switching sides. But he also knew that there was no point in holding a grudge; he’d lost too many people already. He didn’t need to push anyone away. 

He clapped James on the back. “I know. But we can put that behind us now, can’t we?”

James looked at him gingerly. “I’m going to find a way to make it up to you,” he promised. Then he smiled ruefully. “Because you’re going back, aren’t you?”

Remus’ face was kept carefully blank. “Yeah. Yeah, I can’t run from the war. It’s not my time yet.”

James nodded once. “I thought you’d say that.”

“Well, fuck me and my selfish ways, then. Is that what you want me to say?”

Remus closed his eyes briefly before turning back to Sirius. “I want you,” he began, his voice shaking slightly, “to be honest with me. I thought… I thought you would go back with me.”

“I can’t.” Sirius’ voice was strained. “Damn it, Remus, I can’t.”

Remus resisted the urge to pull at his greying hair. “Why? And don’t feed me that shit about Harry not needing you.”

James’ hand was on his shoulder, offering silent support. Remus leaned into it. He’d always thought that when he saw James again there would be a lot of hugging and tears, but it was strangely easy to fall into place like this—as though they’d never been separated at all. 

Sirius was clenching and unclenching his hands, his face white. Remus waited patiently; he knew that Sirius would come clean soon. He’d never been able to resist both Remus  _ and _ James. 

Then, finally, he spoke. “I can’t go back to prison,” he whispered at last, looking furious at his own admission. “Grimmauld Place isn’t Azkaban, but… it was still killing me. You know that I wasn’t exactly engaging in healthy habits; it was you and Harry keeping me sane, but when you’d both leave…”

Remus remembered. He knew about the bottles; he knew how many of them were left empty each evening in Sirius’ room, poorly hidden. His heart felt a familiar pang. 

Sirius looked down at the ground, unable to meet either man’s eyes. He sank to his knees, looking so lost that Remus wanted nothing more than to take him up in his arms and comfort him, but he knew that that wasn’t what Sirius needed. 

“You said it isn’t your time, Remus.” Sirius looked up at him. “But I think it’s mine.”

Remus was silent for a minute, digesting that. He knew the constant threat to Sirius’ safety had been oppressing the other man, and he knew he hadn’t been happy except for when Remus and Harry were present… but death was so permanent. 

But he was  _ here _ —in this field, with James. Remus knew, now, that there was someplace to go after death. 

Maybe… maybe letting Sirius go was what was best for him. 

“You’ll wait for me?” he whispered. He glanced at James. “You’ll both wait for me?”

James leaned over to give him a one-armed hug. “I’ve waited this long, Moony. I’m not stopping now.”

Sirius crawled over and kissed Remus deeply, cradling his head with gentle, yet calloused, hands. “I love you. Of course I’ll wait.” He faltered. “You know I love you, right? This isn’t because I don’t love you—or Harry.”

Remus buried his face into Sirius neck. “I know,” he breathed. “But, Merlin, I don’t know how I’m going to leave you.”

Sirius kissed his temple. “Just for a bit,” he whispered. His breathing was shallow. “You’re so strong, Moony. You can do it. And don’t be afraid to live—live for me, even if it means—even if it means moving on. Promise me, yeah?”

When Remus didn’t respond, James rubbed his back. “He’s right, Moony. It’s not fair to keep you unhappy.”

“Fine,” Remus murmured. “Fine, I promise. But I’m  _ not  _ going to move on.”

Sirius let out that bark-like laugh, albeit a sad one. “If you change your mind, that’s okay. Tell Harry…” His voice wobbled. “Tell him I love him, and that I’m sorry.”

Remus breathed in deeply. He had to leave, he knew, but it was so hard. “I will.”

Then James was wrapping his arms around Remus, sandwiching the werewolf between the two black-haired men. “Tell Harry that Lily and I love him, okay, Remus?” His voice was urgent. “Tell him we’re proud of him, and there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t miss him… that not a day goes by that we don’t wish we could be there with him.”

Remus twisted around to face James, and wasn’t surprised to find tears in his friend’s hazel eyes. 

“Make sure he knows, Moony,” James begged. “Make sure he knows how much I miss him.”

Remus pulled away from them both slowly. “I will.” His voice was ragged. He got to his feet shakily. “I’ll make sure he knows. I promise. And I’ll protect him with my life.”

The other two nodded. Sirius glanced at James. “You’re not mad at me?”

James gazed at him for a long moment, then looked at his hands and sighed. “No. I’m sad my son has to endure this loss, but… he needs all of you there, Padfoot. Better to lose you now than feel like he… couldn’t stop your decline. I don’t want him to remember you like that.” 

“I don’t want that, either,” Sirius said, voice barely audible. Then he turned to Remus. “Stay strong for him, Moons.”

Remus’ lips twisted into a smile. “I’ll do my best.”

He couldn’t promise anything with the war, of course, but he would do his best. He would always do his best when it came to Harry. 

James and Sirius walked him to the field’s edge, back towards the black curtains and suffocating heat. Sirius’ hand was holding onto his tightly, and James’ arms was wrapped firmly around his shoulder. When they reached their destination, the three men simply gazed into the whispering folds of cloth. 

Finally, James broke their reverie. “Well, this is it.”

Remus nodded, unable to speak. Sirius cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

Remus trembled, but he took a step away from the others. James’ arm dropped to his side, but Sirius didn’t release his hand. 

Remus sent him a small, sad smile. “You need to let go, Pads,” he said softly. “You’ll see me again.”

Sirius’ eyes didn’t leave the curtains. The Veils. “How do I know you’ll get back safely?” he asked, voice rough.

Remus shrugged slightly. “I will.”

Sirius locked eyes with him then, and something unspoken passed between them. Without a word, he raised Remus’ hand to his lips and kissed each scarred knuckle tenderly. 

Remus took a shuddering breath. “I’ll see you soon.”

Sirius’ face was lined with grief and pain… and a fiery determination Remus had almost thought he’d seen the last of. “Give them hell, Moony.  _ Give them hell. _ ”

Remus nodded. Slowly, he released Sirius’ fingers and walked backwards into the folds of death, letting them envelope him. Once he could no longer see James and Sirius, he turned around and began walking, firm in his belief that he would reach his destination. He sweated profusely after a short while, but he didn’t falter. He had a life to complete, and another to protect. 

When he heard screaming ( _ “Remus! SIRIUS! They’re not dead, THEY’RE NOT DEAD!”) _ , he knew he was close. 

Drawing in one last breath, Remus stepped through the Veil and fell out the other side. When he looked up, he was staring straight into the green eyes of a boy that looked like he was about to cry at the sight of him. 

Without a word, he opened his arms and let Harry run into them.


End file.
